


Moving On

by aussiemel



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-09-24
Updated: 2010-09-24
Packaged: 2017-10-12 04:02:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,645
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/120528
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aussiemel/pseuds/aussiemel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jack contemplates Life and retirement</p>
            </blockquote>





	Moving On

Jack couldn't sleep. He hadn't been able to get a full night's sleep for about a month now, and he was getting tired and worn. He was tired of fighting, of running and of living his life as lie. Not being able to acknowledge his relationship with his lover because of his position in the military and in the SGC. If he was ever found out he would face a court-martial and a possible gaol sentence, and he couldn't put his lover through that. It would kill him, he would blame himself and he couldn't, he wouldn't put him through that.  


Jack had been actively gay his whole life, as a teenager he had struggled through the issues surrounding his sexuality, even going as far as talking to the school councillor. To begin with he had taken the attitude of most teenage boys, trying to fit in. He had tried ignoring it. Dating several girls, but he hadn't been attracted to any of them. He hadn't told any of his buddies to begin with, High School tended to be a very homophobic atmosphere, and like everyone else he had just wanted to fit in, be part of the 'in' crowd.  


After a few months of trying to run from his feelings, Jack had finally grown to accept them for what they were, a part of who he was. Jack had confessed his true feelings to his mother when he was 14, hoping she would be able to accept his sexuality. Which she did. She had been very accepting of the whole thing, she had only told him was to never mention it to his father.  


He had had a full and very interesting life full of pain, love and happiness. He had joined the military at the age of 17 trying to get away from his father. He was an overbearing, manipulative man who had tried to control his life as soon as he was old enough to go to school, wanting him to join the family real estate business.  


For as long as Jack could remember his father had verbally abused him, nothing he had done had ever been good enough for the older man. He had expected Jack to be a straight A student, to stay out of trouble and always doing as he was told. Since Jack had started school his father had found some excuse to overlook his behaviour.  


Jack hadn't been a perfect child. He had gotten into his fair share of mischief like every other kid, but no matter what he had done nothing had ever met his father's expectations. For a while he had done anything to try to please the man. For most of his childhood he had sought his father's acceptance and acknowledgement. Jack had hoped that as he got older thing's would improve, but once he had reached puberty and realised he was attracted to men, things had just gotten worse.  


When he was 15 his father had caught him in his room kissing another boy. After that the verbal abuse he had been receiving for years had turned physical. He would often be forced to wear long-sleeved shirts and pants to hide the ever present bruising. His father had never hit him in any obvious places, mostly his arms, legs and torso.  


Jack had hidden the abuse from his mother not wanting to hurt her. If he had believed that telling his mother would improve things he wouldn't have thought twice about doing so, but Jack knew it wouldn't make a difference to the man, and besides he had never laid a finger on his mother, or sisters, but after years of mental and physical abuse he had just given up.  


He still strove for his father's acceptance trying to believe the man wouldn't lash out at him again, but it never happened. So as soon as he was old enough to join the Air Force he jumped at the chance, hoping to make the most of his life, hoping he would never have to see his father again.  


Over the years he had several partners mostly men, but there had been a few women, including his ex-wife Sara. He had loved her, but she had been the only woman he had truly **fallen** for.  


Jack wasn't looking for another partner, he was with whom he wanted to be with. As far as Jack was concerned Daniel was the last partner he would ever have. Whether Daniel felt the same way was another matter entirely. Whether Daniel felt the same way was another matter entirely. Jack was pretty sure he DID, but the man was nearly ten years his junior, he may not be ready to settle down yet. Jack was ready to settle down with Daniel and spend the rest of his life with him.  


Jack no longer cared about losing his job, sure he loved his job . loved the excitement and thrill he felt every time he set foot through the 'Gate' onto a new planet, and he even enjoyed the skirmishes they never seemed capable of avoiding. Well to some extent, it kept his life interesting, never boring, but now he could feel it every time he travelled through the 'Gate as well.  


He was getting old.  


The last five years had been a hell-of-a-ride, but having said that all good things must come to an end. He remembered clearly the first mission to Abydos. It was originally going to be a suicide mission. Go out with a Bang! But once he met Daniel all his intentions, went out the window. Daniel was his lifeboat, always had been, since that very first mission the other man had been able to reach Jack in ways that no-one had ever done before. Even his ex-wife Sara hadn't been able to get through his tough exterior.  


The Lack of communication had finally led to his marriage going up in flames, Charlie's death being the last straw.  


When Jack first met the young archaeologist, his first impressions were that of some geeky science type. The military was no place for a civilian to be, especially on a field team.  


Jack had fought tooth-and-nail to get the General to reconsider, but the man was just as stubborn as he was. In the end Jack had resigned himself to the fact that the 'Geek' was coming with.  


On that first mission, Daniel had surprised the hell out of him by giving away his life to save Jacks, a person who he hardly knew, yet he did it without thought. If It weren't for the damn sarcophagus Daniel would have died on Abydos.  


Daniel was the kindest, most compassionate person Jack had, had the pleasure of meeting. Daniel often found a way to a peaceful resolution to the situations they regularly got themselves into. Most military types, himself included were more inclined to shoot first ask questions later. Daniel had changed him, for the better. He no longer tried talking with his weapon; he now gave most people the benefit of the doubt.  


His knees kept giving out on him and he could no longer predict when that would happen. He wouldn't put his team at risk just because he was too stubborn to quit.  


Jack had been staring at his bedroom ceiling for what seemed like hours, but in reality was only a matter of minutes. Contemplating his life. Jack quickly eased himself out of bed being careful not to wake his sleeping lover in the process. He didn't want to worry him. Daniel had been worrying about him over the past month, he knew that Jack hadn't been sleeping properly, but so-far he hadn't pushed the issue knowing that Jack would open up to him when he was ready.  


Jack really hadn't wanted to worry Daniel but he hadn't yet found a way to talk to him about what had been keeping him up at night.  


Jack started down the stairs being careful to avoid the bottom step which creaked under the slightest pressure.  


Once Jack came down the stairs he settled down on the couch in the dark with a freshly made cup of coffee and started to really think about the possibility of retirement.  


 _I'm really getting too old for this shit._ Jack thought looking at his ceiling.  


Every time they visited a new planet he ran the risk of getting his team killed. His knees were just too unpredictable, he'd managed to keep that small detail from the Doc but she was going to figure it out soon, and when she did his career was as good as over anyway.  


Now, more often than not, he was taking some sort of pain relief for them, they used to only play up once in a blue moon when he had done some strenuous activity, but now . well now he was lucky to go a day or two without some sort of complaint.  


Daniel had started noticing Jacks stiffness when moving in the morning and at night, he was usually ok during the day, it was just those times that his knees bothered him the most. Daniel had often commented on the fact that Jack had been taking pain medication a lot lately. Jack had even taken to being bottom ninety percent of the time as his knees could no longer take the prolonged pressure that making love to Daniel caused.  


Ever since the last mission to P3X-209 he had been seriously considering retirement. He had put his team and his lover in unnecessary danger. It was supposed to be a relatively straight forward mission, just a standard recon and mineral survey. What they hadn't counted on was the Jaffa patrol that had come through shortly after. His knee had given out at the worst possible time, causing him to collapse unable to walk through the 'Gate'.  


He had almost gotten them killed.  


In the end Daniel had come back and virtually dragged him back to earth nearly getting killed in the process. Jack could never have forgiven himself if his stubbornness had caused the death of his lover.  


His career had been full of excitement and he had enjoyed it immensely, but with the excitement and happiness there had been a lot of pain and suffering. But every time Jack thought of where he wanted to be in another five years or ten years he kept coming up with retirement, settled down with his lover, and not having to face the stresses of work and saving the world on a semi-regular basis.  


The fact of the matter was that as much as Jack loved his job and wanted to wipe out the damned snake-heads, he no-longer thought he could take the risk that next time one of his 'Kids' would pay the price for his stubbornness. He had retired before. Several times if you wanted to count that time loop incident.  


Jack smiled slightly at the memory.  


Jack sat there in the total blackness contemplating just what he wanted to achieve in his life. He owned his house and car, as well as the cabin in Minnesota. Realistically he didn't need the money. He had enough money in his savings account to keep him going.  


Sure he loved the thrill his job now gave him but would he continue doing it at the cost of his team mates and friends?  


No.  


He couldn't and wouldn't do that. If he learned one thing from his time spent in the Iraqi prison, it was that his team came first. That and to never leave anyone behind. Those two things were so heavily ingrained into him he virtually lived and breathed those concepts.  


He had experienced much pain and suffering at the hands of his captors. They had questioned him hours on end, beating him and torturing him for information he couldn't give. He had been repeatedly raped when he wouldn't talk, and he had been left a broken man. It had taken months of rehabilitation and seeing shrinks before he had finally been cleared for active duty. Iraq had been the hardest time in his life, and he almost hadn't survived it.  


He was tired. tired of the fighting.  


He was tired of the fact that the Air Force virtually owned him. Oh sure he loved his job. Loved serving his country, but being a gay man in the Air Force was always frowned upon. He was forever forced to watch what he did or said around others for fear of them finding out about his relationship with Daniel Jackson.  


Jack loved Daniel, more than anything in his life and if it ever came down to it he would retire to be with the man. In fact the thought had crossed his mind several time in the past month, Jack wanted nothing more than to settle down with the man he loved and actually be able to openly **be** with him. It wasn't much but at this point in his life it was all he wanted.  


Jack still couldn't figure out what the young man saw in his battered old body, but whatever it was he hoped Daniel never stopped seeing it.  


He would go see Hammond tomorrow and hand in his resignation. He knew the General would most likely try and talk him out of resigning, but this was something that he had to do. He could no longer live like he was.  


At the moment his life consisted of fighting the Goa'uld on an almost permanent basis. He had intended staying until they defeated the Goa'uld but with each day that came, each mission that was completed he had come to realise that their defeat would most likely not be seen in his life time. Hell they had taken out a large percentage of the damned snake-heads themselves but with each snake that had fallen another replaced it . usually one with twice the power of the last.  


No, he wasn't going to go on deluding himself. As much as Jack would enjoy seeing a universe free of snakes he didn't think he would ever see that day.  


But what scared Jack the most, more than dying. was the thought that Daniel may die first. If that happened Jack didn't think that he would survive the aftermath. Daniel was his whole life, the other half of his battered and bruised soul.  


Ever since he had met the other man he had felt a deep connection to him, because of that connection Daniel had succeeded in doing what Jack's wife had been unable to. Jack had been hell-bent on ending his life, but after the first mission to Abydos Daniel had managed to touch a part of his soul that he had thought died along with his son.  


Once they had returned Jack had thought that he would never see the younger man again, and Jack had realised that that thought hurt him deeply.  


Jack stood, walking silently to the large window that covered most of the wall. His coffee had long ago gone cold Jack realised, grimacing slightly as the cold bitter liquid slid down his throat. Jack placed the cup to the side, wrapping his arms around his waist in a self-hugging gesture that was often used by his lover.  


Jack let his gaze wander out to linger on the breaking dawn as he contemplated the magnitude of what he was planning on doing. It would change his life forever, but Jack was sure he was making the right decision.  


Having made his decision Jack made his way back to his bed room climbing into the bed and snuggling up against the warm body lying beside him, drawing comfort from simply being with him, as he drifted back to sleep contemplating just what to tell his lover when they awoke in the morning.  


~Finis~


End file.
